My polyamorous ways attract online sleezebags!

Dear Rosezilla,

I have an online profile, and in the section of things I'm looking for, one of them is "play" aka, sex only. However, this causes sleazy, cheesy people to write to me and send unsolicited dick pictures, or try to get me to come over when we've never met in a public place. Should i just take that off the profile, and be lying about what I'm looking for?

Classy Vixen

Dear Vixen,

I would select both "play" and "dating" (but not "serious relationships"). In your profile, simply write:

"Please do not send me pictures of your genitalia, erotic novellas, or requests to meet in the basement of your serial killer's pad in the South Bronx. A tiny bit of class and common sense goes a long way."

I think that you may be coming up in the searches of a lot of indiscriminate men, the kind who spam the Internet with pants-less photos of themselves. Stay true to yourself; the good guys will shine through eventually!

I work with a jerk, help!

Dear Rosezilla,

I work with a class-A jerk. He dumps work on me like I'm his assistant (I'm at the same level as him), he curses all the time, he goes into my space and takes office supplies. I've tried politely talking to him about it and he always blows me off under the guise of being a "charming cad". It's a small company and my boss is indifferent. What can I do!?

Works with a Jerk

Dear Works,

I once worked with a horrible, horrible ex-alcoholic who started the day cursing at the top of his lungs and slamming doors and drawers. He physically shoved female coworkers, he used the word "nigger", he is the most despicable person I know. After a couple months of daily battle, he assaulted me and when I complained, I was asked to leave.

While most of us wouldn't move to Darfur, we somehow put up with employment at a toxic company. Just as there are bitter, war-torn, ravaged countries, so there are bitter, war-torn, ravaged companies. Common sense tells us that the market rewards well-run businesses while ill-run businesses go out of business.

A company can have rampant abuse, discrimination, terrible or lack of business strategy and constant turnover and losses and still stay in business. For years.

Of course, at least some of toxic business is illegal. If you could afford a lawyer, you probably wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.

The best case scenario for you, as it was for me, is probably to have him do something so egregious that you can at least get unemployment, if not severance. Document everything, be knowledgeable about employment law, then get the hell out of there.

Put some time into researching and recognizing abusive behavior. Since companies like this aren't going away soon (like abusive men!), the best you can do is learn to avoid them. Like the plague!

How Do I have A Vaginal Orgasm?

Dear Rosezilla I am a 29 year old female and I have never had an orgasm during sex. I can make myself come on my own but I can never during intercourse. I am slightly over weight but eat healthy and workout. I have read that not being healthy can decrease your changes in having an orgasm. I know that a lot of it is in my head because of what happened to me when I was younger. But I would like to get past it and actually come. Please help. Unsatisfied in Brooklyn

Dear Unsatisfied,

First, know that you are not alone. Vaginal orgasms are really rare and a large percentage of women don't have them ever, including me. There's some perception out there that clitoral orgasms are just "ok", whereas vaginal is going to make you blackout and have visions of walking on the ocean with Jesus. I'm skeptical. To me, it seems like a lot of work for similar results.

From my extensive research, vaginal orgasms happen late in life, at absolute random. Read about 2 such experiences here and here. So, I say do nothing. If you lay there, it will come. Or it won't, no biggie.

To protect myself from being accused of giving a cop-out answer, here's some resources that may or may not help:

Wellness/Tantric Retreats:
Omega: Retreat Center
Tantra Retreat on St. John
Costa Rica Tantra Retreat
Intimacy Retreats

Sex Therapy in New York:
sextherapyny.com
NY Times Article

Should you have sex before marriage?

I just finished reading this letter by a woman who had had two sexual partners, but tried to religiously reset herself with her boyfriend until they got married....and now he's obviously gay or asexual.

Here's the Rosezilla Guide to Sex Before Marriage:

1. Either stay committed and don't have sex AT ALL before marriage...

2. Or make sure you have sex with your spouse before you get married.

'But Rosezilla!' I hear you cry, 'I was a street hooker and now I'm born-again!'

Tough. Do you want to end up like this woman? As cleansing as God's forgiveness is, He can never wipe out your frame of reference. Do it, ask for God's forgiveness, and save yourself from spending the rest of your life with Two-Pump Jim. Seriously, I'm 100% sure that this is what Jesus would do.

Why are some people completely amoral?

There's an interesting letter up at Since You Asked. A woman is concerned for her friend who repeatedly gets very drunk and has unprotected sex with people, and doesn't tell her boyfriend.

Am I the only one who thinks that you have to be completely amoral to not tell the boyfriend? Even if she didn't have a boyfriend, wouldn't it be wise to tell the woman, frankly: If you want to party a lot and have wild sex, that's 100% cool. But every time this happens, you leave us at the bar, end up somewhere, and then call in the middle of the night for help. The next day you blame us. If you have a problem, we're enabling you. If you don't, you need to find a better way to party. Either way, if you ever need us to help you positively, we will always love you and be there for you.

Thoughts?

Help, I'm undervalued!

Dear Rosezilla,

My family is wealthy and prestigious. I am a member of MENSA and I have a degree is neuroscience and theology from an Ivy League school. I'm multi-lingual and have excellent hygiene.

Yet, I find myself working at a computer help desk, making barely $50,000 a year. How did I miss the gravy train to wealth town?

-Undervalued

Dear Undervalued,

If you simply want to make money, become an ibanker or consultant. Try DE Shaw, they're hiring bright young people like yourself.

I'm not a blue blood or intellectual, but I know plenty of normal folk who seem constantly blessed by life. If there's a raffle, they win. If they're laid-off, they're hired by a better company in a week.

I can only assume that you, like me, are not one of those people. So, you're going to have to put in considerable work to get a high-paying job: medical school, law school, constant rejections, crappy bosses, work that turns out to be miserable. For every 100 units of mental energy you put into your efforts to self-improve, you're lucky to get 5 back. And then you might get laid-off. Life is a series of meat grinders in an ocean of acid.

One other thing. I would guess that you don't know what you want to be when you grow up. Those lottery-winning, happy-go-lucky fools know they want to be doctors or firemen from the time they're 5, but the rest of us haven't got a clue. For us, I think the only thing to do is fake it. Pick something out of a hat, pretend its your life-long dream, and go with it.

Why don't cops pull over speeding motorcycles?

Dear Rosezilla,

I always see motorcyclists driving WAY faster than regular cars on surface roads and on highways. So why don't I ever see motorcyclists getting speeding tickets?

-CONFUSED COMMUTER

Dear CC,

There was an interesting quote from an aerospace engineer about Battlestar Galacticta. The space fighter pilots on that show (and many others: Star Trek, Star Wars, etc) engage in dogfights with their enemies in, what we are told, are highly powerful, maneuverable little space ships.

The truth, of course, is that since there is no air in space, a borg cube is exactly as fast and maneuverable as an equally powered "sleek fighting ship".

Back on Earth, there are two things that couldn't be more affected by air, gravity, weight, velocity: a Honda "crotch rocket" motorcycle and a 4020 pound Ford Crown Victoria Police Interceptor. The interceptor goes 140mph and the Honda goes over 180mph. Light and small, cops choosing to chase motorcycles know there is a far greater risk of serious accidents.

The same mentality can apply to people driving sports cars, but with little motorcycles being very affordable and harder to track down, their drivers are younger and more inclined to take risks.

Although many police and sheriffs offices have motorcycle patrols and undercover high-speed cars, ultimately the high rate of accidents and death involved in reckless motorcycle driving probably tend to even everything out in the end.

-Rosezilla