Dear Rosezilla,
My family is wealthy and prestigious. I am a member of MENSA and I have a degree is neuroscience and theology from an Ivy League school. I'm multi-lingual and have excellent hygiene.
Yet, I find myself working at a computer help desk, making barely $50,000 a year. How did I miss the gravy train to wealth town?
-Undervalued
Dear Undervalued,
If you simply want to make money, become an ibanker or consultant. Try DE Shaw, they're hiring bright young people like yourself.
I'm not a blue blood or intellectual, but I know plenty of normal folk who seem constantly blessed by life. If there's a raffle, they win. If they're laid-off, they're hired by a better company in a week.
I can only assume that you, like me, are not one of those people. So, you're going to have to put in considerable work to get a high-paying job: medical school, law school, constant rejections, crappy bosses, work that turns out to be miserable. For every 100 units of mental energy you put into your efforts to self-improve, you're lucky to get 5 back. And then you might get laid-off. Life is a series of meat grinders in an ocean of acid.
One other thing. I would guess that you don't know what you want to be when you grow up. Those lottery-winning, happy-go-lucky fools know they want to be doctors or firemen from the time they're 5, but the rest of us haven't got a clue. For us, I think the only thing to do is fake it. Pick something out of a hat, pretend its your life-long dream, and go with it.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Why don't cops pull over speeding motorcycles?
Dear Rosezilla,
I always see motorcyclists driving WAY faster than regular cars on surface roads and on highways. So why don't I ever see motorcyclists getting speeding tickets?
-CONFUSED COMMUTER
Dear CC,
There was an interesting quote from an aerospace engineer about Battlestar Galacticta. The space fighter pilots on that show (and many others: Star Trek, Star Wars, etc) engage in dogfights with their enemies in, what we are told, are highly powerful, maneuverable little space ships.
The truth, of course, is that since there is no air in space, a borg cube is exactly as fast and maneuverable as an equally powered "sleek fighting ship".
Back on Earth, there are two things that couldn't be more affected by air, gravity, weight, velocity: a Honda "crotch rocket" motorcycle and a 4020 pound Ford Crown Victoria Police Interceptor. The interceptor goes 140mph and the Honda goes over 180mph. Light and small, cops choosing to chase motorcycles know there is a far greater risk of serious accidents.
The same mentality can apply to people driving sports cars, but with little motorcycles being very affordable and harder to track down, their drivers are younger and more inclined to take risks.
Although many police and sheriffs offices have motorcycle patrols and undercover high-speed cars, ultimately the high rate of accidents and death involved in reckless motorcycle driving probably tend to even everything out in the end.
-Rosezilla
I always see motorcyclists driving WAY faster than regular cars on surface roads and on highways. So why don't I ever see motorcyclists getting speeding tickets?
-CONFUSED COMMUTER
Dear CC,
There was an interesting quote from an aerospace engineer about Battlestar Galacticta. The space fighter pilots on that show (and many others: Star Trek, Star Wars, etc) engage in dogfights with their enemies in, what we are told, are highly powerful, maneuverable little space ships.
The truth, of course, is that since there is no air in space, a borg cube is exactly as fast and maneuverable as an equally powered "sleek fighting ship".
Back on Earth, there are two things that couldn't be more affected by air, gravity, weight, velocity: a Honda "crotch rocket" motorcycle and a 4020 pound Ford Crown Victoria Police Interceptor. The interceptor goes 140mph and the Honda goes over 180mph. Light and small, cops choosing to chase motorcycles know there is a far greater risk of serious accidents.
The same mentality can apply to people driving sports cars, but with little motorcycles being very affordable and harder to track down, their drivers are younger and more inclined to take risks.
Although many police and sheriffs offices have motorcycle patrols and undercover high-speed cars, ultimately the high rate of accidents and death involved in reckless motorcycle driving probably tend to even everything out in the end.
-Rosezilla
Great Advice
Rosezilla is born not out of necessarily wanting to give advice (although I do), its from a love of advice columns. I've read them all my life, Dan Savage to Dear Prudence, to everyone in between.
Today I really got into reading Old Schooled. Its a regular column in Time Out NY, where "old" people answer random questions from readers. Check it out!
-Rosezilla
Today I really got into reading Old Schooled. Its a regular column in Time Out NY, where "old" people answer random questions from readers. Check it out!
-Rosezilla
Thursday, April 24, 2008
I'm poor and I want to date online...
Dear Rosezilla,
I live in New York and I'd like to meet more guys to go out with. It seems like everyone here is into online dating, singles parties, speed dating, etc.
I'm just starting out at my first job and I don't make a lot of money. What are my best options for meeting men? I want to try online dating, but there are so many (expensive) choices!
-Dazed Dater
Dear Dazed,
I have a friend who is incredibly desperate to find her "soulmate", and has a very rigid set of criteria about how she will meet men (it has to be "organic" and she needs to "smell them".)
Comparatively, your financial situation is a minuscule barrier to your successful future in dating, online or otherwise. In fact, I was in a very similar situation when I met my fiance through Match.com.
In my biased experience, Match provided a pretty big selection of Non-Weird Males. In contrast, I found Nerve and Yahoo men were considerably more into, shall we say, "short-term dating". Which is great, if that's what you're looking for.
Eharmony rejected me, but I've heard that people on there try to have their entire relationships online. Some of the best advice I can give you when starting online dating is to keep a tight cap on emailing back and forth, and meet in a safe public space as soon as possible.
The classic rookie mistake that everyone makes is hitting it off with someone online (sometimes for months) and then meeting up to have zero chemistry. In contrast, someone you might find seems a little bit dull in their profile may have that amazing spark, or at least really great breath. You just can't tell online.
I've found speed dating and singles clubs or parties to be too much like that cliche of the "desperate single".
As I said, I'm biased about my recommendation, since Match worked (well) for me. Ask people you trust, or on online forums like Yelp or Facebook. Also, almost all of those online dating sites let you sign-up for free, for some of the features. Explore and have fun!
I live in New York and I'd like to meet more guys to go out with. It seems like everyone here is into online dating, singles parties, speed dating, etc.
I'm just starting out at my first job and I don't make a lot of money. What are my best options for meeting men? I want to try online dating, but there are so many (expensive) choices!
-Dazed Dater
Dear Dazed,
I have a friend who is incredibly desperate to find her "soulmate", and has a very rigid set of criteria about how she will meet men (it has to be "organic" and she needs to "smell them".)
Comparatively, your financial situation is a minuscule barrier to your successful future in dating, online or otherwise. In fact, I was in a very similar situation when I met my fiance through Match.com.
In my biased experience, Match provided a pretty big selection of Non-Weird Males. In contrast, I found Nerve and Yahoo men were considerably more into, shall we say, "short-term dating". Which is great, if that's what you're looking for.
Eharmony rejected me, but I've heard that people on there try to have their entire relationships online. Some of the best advice I can give you when starting online dating is to keep a tight cap on emailing back and forth, and meet in a safe public space as soon as possible.
The classic rookie mistake that everyone makes is hitting it off with someone online (sometimes for months) and then meeting up to have zero chemistry. In contrast, someone you might find seems a little bit dull in their profile may have that amazing spark, or at least really great breath. You just can't tell online.
I've found speed dating and singles clubs or parties to be too much like that cliche of the "desperate single".
As I said, I'm biased about my recommendation, since Match worked (well) for me. Ask people you trust, or on online forums like Yelp or Facebook. Also, almost all of those online dating sites let you sign-up for free, for some of the features. Explore and have fun!
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
How do I get out of annoying wine tasting parties?
Dear Rosezilla:
I have this friend who I used to hang out with a lot in college. We don't have that much in common any more, but she still wants to hang with me all the time. That would be okay, but her friends are really lame. She keeps asking me to wine tasting parties with all her married friends who act like I'm a leper because I'm not married with kids. She lives in Eagan. Enough said.
I would just like to blow her off, but another really good friend is relying on her to provide her with cheap plane tickets for her wedding in six months. She's begged me to at least stay on good terms with her for a while longer. (Of course, being engaged my friend doesn't have to suffer the same level of scrutiny and hell that I do at these wine tastings.) Help. I have another one of these wine tastings coming up soon. Can you help me with an excuse?
Thanks,
Anne in St. Paul
Dear Anne,
It seems to me that you've got a golden opportunity here! I gathered from your letter that you two aren't so much "friends", as that she enjoys a warm body for her new hobby, wine tasting. Therefore, you don't have to find an excuse not to spend time with her, but with wine. Here is a brief list of reasons you can't come to her next wine tasting:
I have this friend who I used to hang out with a lot in college. We don't have that much in common any more, but she still wants to hang with me all the time. That would be okay, but her friends are really lame. She keeps asking me to wine tasting parties with all her married friends who act like I'm a leper because I'm not married with kids. She lives in Eagan. Enough said.
I would just like to blow her off, but another really good friend is relying on her to provide her with cheap plane tickets for her wedding in six months. She's begged me to at least stay on good terms with her for a while longer. (Of course, being engaged my friend doesn't have to suffer the same level of scrutiny and hell that I do at these wine tastings.) Help. I have another one of these wine tastings coming up soon. Can you help me with an excuse?
Thanks,
Anne in St. Paul
Dear Anne,
It seems to me that you've got a golden opportunity here! I gathered from your letter that you two aren't so much "friends", as that she enjoys a warm body for her new hobby, wine tasting. Therefore, you don't have to find an excuse not to spend time with her, but with wine. Here is a brief list of reasons you can't come to her next wine tasting:
- Finding out you have a red wine allergy
- Any number of infections: Lyme disease, ear, MRSA, strep, which requires you to take a long course of antibiotics. You can't mix antibiotics and alcohol!
- People taking Accutane are encouraged not to drink alcohol
- People with Mono can't drink, as well as certain types of diabetes
- People on certain anti-depressants can't drink (for the sake of appearances, a simple 'oh, I've started some new medication and can't drink' should suffice.)
In the meantime, call or email at least once a month to invite her to something you really, really like to do. Either she'll come and you may actually find you have something in common, or she won't, and you'll still be a Friend in Good Standing.
Depending on how tight-knit your friend circle is, you should probably lean towards the antibiotics/medications excuse. As good as the "red wine allergy" white lie is, you don't want to be paranoid about drinking Cabernet in public for the rest of your life.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Should I cut off my accidental love?
Dear Rosezilla,
I met man we'll call Jose, several months ago. I'm not really a monogamist, so we had a casual sexual relationship. Out of the blue one day, I developed feelings for Jose and before I knew it, I was madly in love. Suddenly, Jose told me had to move far away, and that was the end of our relationship.
Later I found out that he had moved with a "girlfriend". I also know he checks my personal blog often and knows my feelings. We still email and chat from time to time, but should I cut him off completely?
-Accidental Love Victim
Dear Accidental,
Short answer: yes.
Long answer, including the why and how:
You fell in love. It happens. Don't beat yourself up over it. I'm sure other people would diagnose you with daddy issues, self-esteem issues, depression, who-knows-what.
The truth is oxytocin. The cuddle hormone. Women especially, just casually have an orgasm or breastfeed and suddenly, BAM!, the body floods with oxytocin like a toilet flushing.
Guys have oxytocin too, but while men sleeping around and then suddenly falling around is a fundamental rite of passage for any American man, yours is a cautionary tale of loose women. Booga booga.
There's much more to this story, of course. Whispered pillow talk, his eyes in the gentle, afternoon sunlight, his job as a life-saving orphan-healer. That's not going to help you here. All you need to understand is that when you think or speak or have sex with Jose, your body floods with oyxtocin.
The only problem here is that Jose is not the most honest guy in the world. And he isn't in love with you. And he enjoys the attention of your adoring, uncontrollable love.
You could torture yourself waiting for the next time Jose texts or calls or shows up in your stat counter, for the feel-good rush, or you could get rid of Jose and stick to far more reliable sources of happiness like puppies and ice cream.
Now for the 'how':
Block Jose from your email and chat. Don't just delete...Block. Delete him off your phone, or block him if you can. Go into stat counter and block his IP address. Genuinely do all the things possible to block him from contacting you, not just half-assedly delete him for the double-rush when he contacts you anyway.
Give yourself a week to do nothing Jose-related. At the end of the week, give yourself a reward. Next give yourself 2 weeks. Then a month.
Somewhere in this cold turkey rehab, you're going to try to test yourself by contacting him. Don't do it! Because right after the "urge to test yourself" phase, comes that week when you realize you haven't thought of him at all. Then 2 weeks.
Until one day you think, 'Cutting this guy off was so easy, I don't know why I got so worked up over him.'
I met man we'll call Jose, several months ago. I'm not really a monogamist, so we had a casual sexual relationship. Out of the blue one day, I developed feelings for Jose and before I knew it, I was madly in love. Suddenly, Jose told me had to move far away, and that was the end of our relationship.
Later I found out that he had moved with a "girlfriend". I also know he checks my personal blog often and knows my feelings. We still email and chat from time to time, but should I cut him off completely?
-Accidental Love Victim
Dear Accidental,
Short answer: yes.
Long answer, including the why and how:
You fell in love. It happens. Don't beat yourself up over it. I'm sure other people would diagnose you with daddy issues, self-esteem issues, depression, who-knows-what.
The truth is oxytocin. The cuddle hormone. Women especially, just casually have an orgasm or breastfeed and suddenly, BAM!, the body floods with oxytocin like a toilet flushing.
Guys have oxytocin too, but while men sleeping around and then suddenly falling around is a fundamental rite of passage for any American man, yours is a cautionary tale of loose women. Booga booga.
There's much more to this story, of course. Whispered pillow talk, his eyes in the gentle, afternoon sunlight, his job as a life-saving orphan-healer. That's not going to help you here. All you need to understand is that when you think or speak or have sex with Jose, your body floods with oyxtocin.
The only problem here is that Jose is not the most honest guy in the world. And he isn't in love with you. And he enjoys the attention of your adoring, uncontrollable love.
You could torture yourself waiting for the next time Jose texts or calls or shows up in your stat counter, for the feel-good rush, or you could get rid of Jose and stick to far more reliable sources of happiness like puppies and ice cream.
Now for the 'how':
Block Jose from your email and chat. Don't just delete...Block. Delete him off your phone, or block him if you can. Go into stat counter and block his IP address. Genuinely do all the things possible to block him from contacting you, not just half-assedly delete him for the double-rush when he contacts you anyway.
Give yourself a week to do nothing Jose-related. At the end of the week, give yourself a reward. Next give yourself 2 weeks. Then a month.
Somewhere in this cold turkey rehab, you're going to try to test yourself by contacting him. Don't do it! Because right after the "urge to test yourself" phase, comes that week when you realize you haven't thought of him at all. Then 2 weeks.
Until one day you think, 'Cutting this guy off was so easy, I don't know why I got so worked up over him.'
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