Helpful Websites: Bookmooch

In case you don't know, Bookmooch is an amazing new website that facilitates book exchanges across the globe. Essentially you receive one book for every three you send out. It's free except for postage and the members are so warm and friendly!

Bookmooch

Help, I'm stalked by a boring lump!

Dear Rosezilla,

I have a male friend from college with whom I've slept with in the past. I'll confess, he's an average friend and a mediocre lover. I keep almost forgetting about him until he turns up on my Facebook wall, etc. Last month he begged to stay at my place for Memorial Day weekend and I agreed.

There were two problems: one was that he had obviously come to see me and spend time with me and in general, took up my whole weekend. The second was that either I had suppressed all memories of his terribly boring personality, or someone very recently sucked out any interesting quality he may have had. This guy is b.o.r.i.n.g.

Here is my question: the next time he wants to come visit should I just tell him I'm not into him anymore, or should I lie and say I have a boyfriend or something?

-Bored to Tears

Hi Bored,

I'm sure a lot of people would take you task for letting this go on for so long....and then do the same thing themselves. Most people don't sit down and have frank discussions with people about their B.O., boredom level, or passive-aggressiveness. Conflict aversion is the backbone of society, so don't sweat it.

Absolutely, white lie until the last possible moment. simply tell him you're busy the weekend he wants to come. The boyfriend is tricky as he may ask your old college friends about it and he'll find out you're lying. Be creative and hopefully he'll lose interest after a few subtle rejections.

If you somehow work up the nerve, I'd tell him that he's boring. I feel like that is something a person may actually be able to fix about themselves and may thank you for. (Ok, that's unlikely.)

Out of questions

If you're out there and reading rosezilla, please send me a question here:
rosezilla@rosezilla.com

Why does the MTA suck so hard?

Dear Rosezilla:

Does the MTA intentionally run the express trains just a tad bit faster than the local trains so that when you need to transfer to the express you are greeted by closing train doors or a train just barely leaving the station?

Do they like playing God or do they do it because they are assholes? Or both?

Just wondering.

-MTA Lover

Dear MTA Lover,

I hate the MTA with the white-hot rage of a thousand suns going supernova.

Now, my mother is a civil servant. And I know plenty of working-class people have to work for the MTA. But I think everyone management level and higher should be taken to a small room and beaten with a heavy rubber hose.

At the highest levels, the MTA languishes under heavy, uninterrupted corruption that has no intention of ending soon. As we've seen with the City Council Discretionary Funding scandal, there's a whole lot of corruption in New York City. Unfortunately, while its obvious to us that a city with such terrible subway service and an annual budget of $7.2 billion plus $18.2 over 5 years for bridges/big contruction/etc. is obviously corrupt, it doesn't look like anyone is going to do anything about it soon.

Places like the DMV, forced labor camps, and the MTA tend to attract a particularly sadistic-type of person. To answer your question, yes, these people love to play God and inflict daily abuse on people. I'm sure their side hobbies include pushing over old people and kicking puppies.

Now, the "positive" and "constructive" thing to do would be to join the straphangers campaign and vote. Boring! I encourage you to start a rebel unit of MTA fighters who roam the subways holding open doors and passing out fliers that say, "MTA employees smell like donkeys!" That'll show 'em!

My polyamorous ways attract online sleezebags!

Dear Rosezilla,

I have an online profile, and in the section of things I'm looking for, one of them is "play" aka, sex only. However, this causes sleazy, cheesy people to write to me and send unsolicited dick pictures, or try to get me to come over when we've never met in a public place. Should i just take that off the profile, and be lying about what I'm looking for?

Classy Vixen

Dear Vixen,

I would select both "play" and "dating" (but not "serious relationships"). In your profile, simply write:

"Please do not send me pictures of your genitalia, erotic novellas, or requests to meet in the basement of your serial killer's pad in the South Bronx. A tiny bit of class and common sense goes a long way."

I think that you may be coming up in the searches of a lot of indiscriminate men, the kind who spam the Internet with pants-less photos of themselves. Stay true to yourself; the good guys will shine through eventually!

I work with a jerk, help!

Dear Rosezilla,

I work with a class-A jerk. He dumps work on me like I'm his assistant (I'm at the same level as him), he curses all the time, he goes into my space and takes office supplies. I've tried politely talking to him about it and he always blows me off under the guise of being a "charming cad". It's a small company and my boss is indifferent. What can I do!?

Works with a Jerk

Dear Works,

I once worked with a horrible, horrible ex-alcoholic who started the day cursing at the top of his lungs and slamming doors and drawers. He physically shoved female coworkers, he used the word "nigger", he is the most despicable person I know. After a couple months of daily battle, he assaulted me and when I complained, I was asked to leave.

While most of us wouldn't move to Darfur, we somehow put up with employment at a toxic company. Just as there are bitter, war-torn, ravaged countries, so there are bitter, war-torn, ravaged companies. Common sense tells us that the market rewards well-run businesses while ill-run businesses go out of business.

A company can have rampant abuse, discrimination, terrible or lack of business strategy and constant turnover and losses and still stay in business. For years.

Of course, at least some of toxic business is illegal. If you could afford a lawyer, you probably wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.

The best case scenario for you, as it was for me, is probably to have him do something so egregious that you can at least get unemployment, if not severance. Document everything, be knowledgeable about employment law, then get the hell out of there.

Put some time into researching and recognizing abusive behavior. Since companies like this aren't going away soon (like abusive men!), the best you can do is learn to avoid them. Like the plague!

How Do I have A Vaginal Orgasm?

Dear Rosezilla I am a 29 year old female and I have never had an orgasm during sex. I can make myself come on my own but I can never during intercourse. I am slightly over weight but eat healthy and workout. I have read that not being healthy can decrease your changes in having an orgasm. I know that a lot of it is in my head because of what happened to me when I was younger. But I would like to get past it and actually come. Please help. Unsatisfied in Brooklyn

Dear Unsatisfied,

First, know that you are not alone. Vaginal orgasms are really rare and a large percentage of women don't have them ever, including me. There's some perception out there that clitoral orgasms are just "ok", whereas vaginal is going to make you blackout and have visions of walking on the ocean with Jesus. I'm skeptical. To me, it seems like a lot of work for similar results.

From my extensive research, vaginal orgasms happen late in life, at absolute random. Read about 2 such experiences here and here. So, I say do nothing. If you lay there, it will come. Or it won't, no biggie.

To protect myself from being accused of giving a cop-out answer, here's some resources that may or may not help:

Wellness/Tantric Retreats:
Omega: Retreat Center
Tantra Retreat on St. John
Costa Rica Tantra Retreat
Intimacy Retreats

Sex Therapy in New York:
sextherapyny.com
NY Times Article

Should you have sex before marriage?

I just finished reading this letter by a woman who had had two sexual partners, but tried to religiously reset herself with her boyfriend until they got married....and now he's obviously gay or asexual.

Here's the Rosezilla Guide to Sex Before Marriage:

1. Either stay committed and don't have sex AT ALL before marriage...

2. Or make sure you have sex with your spouse before you get married.

'But Rosezilla!' I hear you cry, 'I was a street hooker and now I'm born-again!'

Tough. Do you want to end up like this woman? As cleansing as God's forgiveness is, He can never wipe out your frame of reference. Do it, ask for God's forgiveness, and save yourself from spending the rest of your life with Two-Pump Jim. Seriously, I'm 100% sure that this is what Jesus would do.

Why are some people completely amoral?

There's an interesting letter up at Since You Asked. A woman is concerned for her friend who repeatedly gets very drunk and has unprotected sex with people, and doesn't tell her boyfriend.

Am I the only one who thinks that you have to be completely amoral to not tell the boyfriend? Even if she didn't have a boyfriend, wouldn't it be wise to tell the woman, frankly: If you want to party a lot and have wild sex, that's 100% cool. But every time this happens, you leave us at the bar, end up somewhere, and then call in the middle of the night for help. The next day you blame us. If you have a problem, we're enabling you. If you don't, you need to find a better way to party. Either way, if you ever need us to help you positively, we will always love you and be there for you.

Thoughts?