Help...he's smothering me!!!

Dear Rosezilla,

I've started seeing this guy (2 dates), and things have been fine. I think I've made it pretty clear that I'm busy and I have a couple other casual relationships in addition to this gentleman. Still, we've just seen each other twice in one week and he already wants to meet up again. How do I get him to chill out a little?

Chilling out in Brooklyn

Dear Chilling,

I had to double-check that this letter was from a woman, since isn't this typically a man's problem? Most men I know would handle a situation like this by calling/texting less and less, while the woman becomes confused and starts calling/texting more and more. Before you know it, he's deleting desperate 'dont u like me!?!?' texts from his phone and she's left to pick up the pieces.

I don't know about you, but when I text or call a guy, I'm fairly ok with, 'I'm busy, but let's plan to hang out in a week or two.' Keep your time boundaries firm and its probably going to be fine...this guy is excited to go out with you and that's certainly not a bad thing.

If you find yourself negotiating your boundaries, i.e., you say one week, he says no, three days, then its simply time to redraw them. Have a frank talk or email that says firmly:
1. I like you and enjoy my time with you.
2. I'm busy.
3. I am not interested in a monogamous relationship and if he is, it's probably best to stop seeing each other for your mutual sanity.

My polyamorous ways attract online sleezebags!

Dear Rosezilla,

I have an online profile, and in the section of things I'm looking for, one of them is "play" aka, sex only. However, this causes sleazy, cheesy people to write to me and send unsolicited dick pictures, or try to get me to come over when we've never met in a public place. Should i just take that off the profile, and be lying about what I'm looking for?

Classy Vixen

Dear Vixen,

I would select both "play" and "dating" (but not "serious relationships"). In your profile, simply write:

"Please do not send me pictures of your genitalia, erotic novellas, or requests to meet in the basement of your serial killer's pad in the South Bronx. A tiny bit of class and common sense goes a long way."

I think that you may be coming up in the searches of a lot of indiscriminate men, the kind who spam the Internet with pants-less photos of themselves. Stay true to yourself; the good guys will shine through eventually!

How Do I have A Vaginal Orgasm?

Dear Rosezilla I am a 29 year old female and I have never had an orgasm during sex. I can make myself come on my own but I can never during intercourse. I am slightly over weight but eat healthy and workout. I have read that not being healthy can decrease your changes in having an orgasm. I know that a lot of it is in my head because of what happened to me when I was younger. But I would like to get past it and actually come. Please help. Unsatisfied in Brooklyn

Dear Unsatisfied,

First, know that you are not alone. Vaginal orgasms are really rare and a large percentage of women don't have them ever, including me. There's some perception out there that clitoral orgasms are just "ok", whereas vaginal is going to make you blackout and have visions of walking on the ocean with Jesus. I'm skeptical. To me, it seems like a lot of work for similar results.

From my extensive research, vaginal orgasms happen late in life, at absolute random. Read about 2 such experiences here and here. So, I say do nothing. If you lay there, it will come. Or it won't, no biggie.

To protect myself from being accused of giving a cop-out answer, here's some resources that may or may not help:

Wellness/Tantric Retreats:
Omega: Retreat Center
Tantra Retreat on St. John
Costa Rica Tantra Retreat
Intimacy Retreats

Sex Therapy in New York:
sextherapyny.com
NY Times Article

Should you have sex before marriage?

I just finished reading this letter by a woman who had had two sexual partners, but tried to religiously reset herself with her boyfriend until they got married....and now he's obviously gay or asexual.

Here's the Rosezilla Guide to Sex Before Marriage:

1. Either stay committed and don't have sex AT ALL before marriage...

2. Or make sure you have sex with your spouse before you get married.

'But Rosezilla!' I hear you cry, 'I was a street hooker and now I'm born-again!'

Tough. Do you want to end up like this woman? As cleansing as God's forgiveness is, He can never wipe out your frame of reference. Do it, ask for God's forgiveness, and save yourself from spending the rest of your life with Two-Pump Jim. Seriously, I'm 100% sure that this is what Jesus would do.